I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
