I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
