flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This baby is an asshole
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
