y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
