i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
