dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
