I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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