i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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