Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
