I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
