I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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