I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize