awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
