rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
