dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize