you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
