you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
