Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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