I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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