All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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