Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
