She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize