my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
