Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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