How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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