i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
