my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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