There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
