Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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