I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So many bounce houses so little time
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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