look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
