Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
