Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Randomize
