she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
