Nicole vs. Life
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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