Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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