But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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