if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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