She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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