i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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