I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
