Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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