and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
