return my video game
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
