I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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