You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
