over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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