I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
