seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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