hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
