I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
