Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
