if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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