cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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