Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
