Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
