the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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