I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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