the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize