You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
