I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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