i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
