:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
