My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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