Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
