oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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