i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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