Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
