highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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