Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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