I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
