the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize