Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
