I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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