My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
