How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
