You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
