She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
