Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
