Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have already put on my inside pants.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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