Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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